Time

I wrote this post a little over two weeks ago on my walk back home after a run, but never got around to publishing it. But I feel the need to let some things out now. First, the original:

People are often surprised that I run without headphones. Running helps me think. Sometimes I’ll solve a tough homework assignment I’ve been working on. Sometimes I’ll process one of many obstacles life throws my way.

Today my thoughts went something like this. “It sure is nice to be able to get my runs in without getting up at 430 am. Maybe God just saw what I needed.”

I’m a firm believer that things happen for a reason. Yes, I know there are arguments to that but it’s helped me deal with a lot. Maybe God saw just what I needed. A break from the go, go, go life of the past 4 years. Time to focus on something important to me. Like running a marathon. I thought many times, “I don’t know how I’ll do it with work and school.” But like everything, I’ve been trying to just take the first step and trust it’ll all work out in the end. Just like returning to school. And it has. So here I am. Just school and running on my plate. It’s going to be a struggle without an income for the next few months. But it’s humbling and forces some perspective to focus on what’s important. And it’s giving me time to train. And, as always, I trust that I’ll find that perfect job at the perfect time. Until then, I’ll be thankful for the time I have. Run on!

I wrote this on September 11th. My birthday, and the first day of my marathon training plan was September 10th. On Friday, September 13th, I received a call that my Dad was not well. I knew my Dad was not well, I’ve been seeing the decline for a few years. But no matter how much I thought I saw it coming, I was not prepared for that phone call. Or the two weeks to follow.

But here I am. And this brings me back to my thoughts on that very day two and a half weeks ago. Things happen for a reason. Little did I know at the time that I would be spending my next two weekends at Dad’s bed side. I was able to be present in these two weeks. Something I have really struggled with for the past 4 years after going back to school. Time. Something I was lacking, but something God granted me when I needed it most. Time for school. Time for training. And most importantly, Time for family.

Dad, I may not have been the best daughter all the time. I know I let you down some. And I’m sorry it took my life going through hell to finally sort of understand you. I wish I knew even half of your life story. Maybe then I would understand you more. Maybe I should have taken more time to talk to you, even though you weren’t a talker. Maybe you would have, if I tried just a little. But I don’t know, and now I’ll never know. But one thing I know for sure, you loved your children, in the best way you knew how. Rest in Peace, Dad. I love you.

 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. ~Revelation 21:4

Dad