The best gift I can give myself, is loving me for all that I am.
To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. ~Thich Nhat Hanh
Happy Birthday to me! Yes, today is my birthday, and it’s a great day! But then every day is a great day, as long as we make it that way.
A little more than a week ago, a friend posted something on Facebook that really got me thinking. About me and where I am, where I’ve been, and how I feel about myself.
For years, I’ve always compared myself to everyone else. I’m not sure why. I never really thought of myself as someone with low self esteem, but looking back I sure was! I was never as pretty as the other girls. Never as athletic. Never the popular one. And the biggie, never as thin as they were. I always saw something in the mirror that, looking back, was completely false. I was never overweight in high school, although I thought I was.
So it’s been a lot of years of fighting with myself. Trying to be something better. Always feeling like I could never be good enough. That no matter how hard I tried, I always failed. And this goes back to my post from last week, I would just shut down and do nothing because I was so overwhelmed with trying to accomplish the impossible. And I hated myself.
Since my divorce, I’ve been trying to focus on finding myself. Figuring out exactly who it is I am, and who I want to be. And learning to be ok with whoever that person is. And doing it on my own and being ok with that too.
Which brings me to today. And the best gift I can give myself, is loving me for all that I am. I’m caring and compassionate. I’m friendly and loving. I’m intelligent, loyal, and honest. Strong and independent. I’m healthy. I’m happy. I’m flawed. I’m scarred. I make mistakes. I’m not perfect. But I’m me. And that’s ok. Raw and vulnerable. Perfectly imperfect. A constant work in progress.
I avoided the camera for so long. Always choosing to take the pictures rather than be in them. And looking back, I’m sorry I wasn’t there more. That there are so few pictures of me with my own children. I’ve only recently started getting in pictures, and taking pictures of myself. And I love what I see. So here I am. This is me. With makeup and without. Sweaty and not. But always beautiful, just the same.
And because it’s my birthday, I’m just throwing this out there again. Please check out my fundraising website, and help me make a difference for children, no matter how small. That is my only wish today.